Sleep, Though Art a Fleeting Memory...

I have never had sleep issues. I have always slept soundly, have had nary a nightmare, and stay that way until the alarm goes off. Or, on a non-work day I rise on my own at a normal morning hour rested and rejuvenated.

And then pregnancy happened.

The first trimester I peed every 2 seconds. I felt that I should just camp-out on the bathroom floor so that my dear husband could actually sleep. But, Blake is a champ and sleeps through most things and didn't seem as disturbed by my bathroom jaunts as I had expected. As time lapsed on, this ailment decreased and, with the addition of a brand-new body pillow given to me by Blake, I was able to comfortably zonk out once again.

Until now.

I realize I only have a month left at most by this point.... but the night-time shenanigans are getting the best of me: My bladder that never seems to empty, my baby who is playing the xylophone on my ribcage, and my back with the shooting pain that holds me prisoner in uncomfortable positions. People tell me "it's nature's way of preparing you for sleepless nights to come," but I ain't buying it. I know love is pain sometimes, but gimme a break! Pregnant women are already going through so much discomfort... it seems unfair to add sleep depravation on top of all of that. If there is a God, he's a man and he's a sadist.

As I write this, the words are dancing around in front of my face and I wonder if I'm actually even typing. I'm so tired and frustrated and I feel like a bad mother because I can't wait to not be pregnant any more. I keep hearing all of these other women saying how they felt like beautiful, fertile godesses and how they were in such happy spirits and LOVED being pregnant. My mother, for instance, is one of these: said she felt GREAT. Me however.... I cry (hormones and sleep failure) alot and ask Blake if I'm a terrible person because I just want to "take my tummy off" and curl up under the blankets and never pee again. I feel like such a whiner; weak and silly and childish.

But of course Blake consoles me and hugs me and tells me I'm beautiful, because that's what a wonderful husband does. He kisses me and tells me not to worry. And then he rolls back over and is snoring blissfully again. And I am left to watch the clock and worry about what would happen if I went into labor right now on zero hours of sleep....