Just Go With the Flow

Having Henry has been a great exercise in learning to let go of any of life's expectations. At first, the loss of control on my usually organized life was terrifying and frustrating. But slowly Blake and I are figuring out a method to the madness. But everyday we usually get thrown some sort of curve-ball... it's what Henry likes to do: keep us on our toes.

It all began with my labor. I had "planned" on having a completely natural birth, not wanting to pump my baby (and my body) full of drugs. I mean, women have been having babies for centuries without drugs, right? That's what our bodies are meant to do. In the end Henry's head was simply too large to fit through my pelvis (he is a bull-headed Taurus, after all!) I ended up being so full of IV's and drugs that it took 2 weeks for my body to rid itself of everything. My arm looked like a tattooed, bruised piece of swiss cheese from all the IV holes. At first I felt like I failed childbirth (which I know now is not true), and battled bouts of depression over it. I mean, had this been in the early 1900's Hank and I probably wouldn't have made it..... but that's the beauty of today's medical advances. I am healthy and my baby is healthy and that is what's important. But I still joke about lighting my "birth plan" on fire.....

Our second obstacle was breast-feeding. In the beginning it was going swimmingly. Hank was a good eater and I had more than enough to feed him. He gained weight like a champ by his first pediatrician appointment and we congratulated ourselves and doing so well. Then we hit a hiccup.... or rather a "spit up."

By the time Henry was 3 weeks old he was refluxing and projectile vomiting so badly at each feed that it was stressing him (and me) out. He would get hungry but spend the entire feed screaming and crying with milk out his nose. Trying to even delicately burp him led to painful reflux. I worried that he had a milk allergy (I was a soy baby), but tried breastmilk in bottles first to see if position was the issue. It was. Getting him comfortable and sitting completely upright to eat worked! This, however, was difficult to do nursing with his huge head with no neck-muscle control... bottle feeding worked much better. So I began pumping and bottle-feeding him.

I tried nursing a few weeks later and he spit-up a ton... so I figured bottle-feeding was our only option (which was okay because I was returning to work part-time soon and Blake would have to feed him anyway.) However, pumping for 30 minutes and then feeding him for 45 minutes all day/night was becoming grueling. Then, I returned to work and pumping wasn't an option. I would come home in so much pain! Also, it was hard to get enough milk stocked-up because Hank has such a ravenous appetite. And the pump wasn't making me yield as much milk as nursing did. So we began to supplement 1/2 and 1/2 with formula.

When I was pregnant, I was hellbent on being an exclusively breast-feeding Mom. I didn't even look at formulas since "breast is best." But reflux, a ravenous baby, and a dwindling milk supply led me to put Henry exclusively on formula. Again, I felt like a failure. I tried to refrain from feeding Hank in public because I felt people would be thinking what a terrible mother I was for using a bottle. When he was hungry, I went to the car to feed him or went home. The idea that "breast is best" is so pushed these days that it comes off as the ONLY option. If you have to do otherwise you are a "lazy" or "bad" Mom. And it's not all in my head... I've definitely had some opinionated comments given to me (usually from strangers who don't even have kids).

But I'm learning that "what works for my kid is best." He is MUCH happier on a bottle and feeding time is a happy time instead of a stressful, painful one. I have him on organic formula (more expensive but I feel better about it), and he gleefully chugs down bottle after bottle with only a tiny bit of spit-up. I gave nursing my best shot.... Henry had breast-milk in some form for the first 2 months of his life. I was able to give him breast-milk nutrition in the beginning when it's most important. Now I need to learn to let go and realize he is thriving and happy on formula. And I have to remember that I was a formula baby, and I think I've turned out just fine....

Dirty Hippy in my Heart

Well, it's been awhile since my last post.... what can I say? Being a full-time Mom with a part-time job has me busy, and typing one-handed while juggling Hank isn't my forte yet. And now Blake and I have recently picked up an apartment manager gig so we can save $500 on rent.

So yes, life is a bit hectic right now. We have been financially strapped and are taking the steps to remedy the situation and give us some breathing room. But we are happy, albeit exhausted from time to time. I am feeling less overwhelmed day-by-day and seem to be feeling more like a professional Mom. My little man is smiling and cooing and somewhat giggling which makes any of the difficult times melt away. I care so much for my son and find myself wanting to make the best and most healthy choices possible for him. This, coupled with the financial issue at-hand has led me to a new obsession: cloth diapering.

I have become hellbent on saving our little family money, and was excited to find an option that is not only budget friendly, but baby friendly and earth friendly as well. I feel a little better knowing I'm making small personal steps to be earth-conscious, especially with things like the BP oil disaster mucking up the environment. Maybe in the end, it will be the little things that count. I'm not trying to preach, I'm simply explaining that I personally feel better strapping a cloth diaper to my kid's bum because it won't sit in a landfill for 500 years... and at the rate Hank goes through diapers I feel this is a REALLY good thing! That kid can fill up a Diaper Genie in NO time!

Which leads me to gDiapers. These are not your parent's cloth diapers. They are a crazy-cool hybrid that utilizes breathable cotton outer shells with breathable vinyl liners (vinyl allows air to permeate but not moisture. Waaaay better than plastic pants! Ick). Then, you use super absorbent cotton/hemp inserts (they kinda look like a maxi-pad. Ha.) for the wee babe to wee on. When the insert is wet, simply toss it in the diaper pail and replace with a fresh one. The vinyl liners can be wiped clean and dry super quick. Leaks are rare, so you can re-use the little cotton shells/pants over and over. And BONUS: there are disposable inserts for use on-the-go... and they break-down in 150 days and are flushable and compostable! So, you have 2 options: cotton/hemp reusable inserts or disposable. Genius! Oh, and they're super cute to butt...um, I mean boot.

We're on day 5 of cloth diapering and it's so easy.... and we don't even have our own washer and dryer! We can go for 2 days, and on the 3rd day I do a load of diaper laundry... which isn't a problem because I usually need to wash something else anyway. The whole setup for diapers, inserts, special detergent has cost somewhere around $200. Since we usually spend over $50 a month on diapers (and he can wear the cloth until he is almost 2 years old!), we will be saving a ton! I also am going the extra step and using cloth bum-wipes with my own tea-tree oil/water/Dr. Bronner's soap solution that I just toss in the pail with the diaper inserts. And it is much nicer on Hank's bottom!

Blake (although not as wierdly excited as I am) has been extremely open to cloth-diapering and has been doing wonderfully! It's usually the hubby's that are grossed-out by the idea... but he doesn't seem phased in the least. We are still using 1 regular disposable at night-time for Hank's long stretch until we figure out how to successfully cloth-diaper and have him stay comfortable since he is, um, quite a wet guy. But 1 disposable a day is better than 12! And did I mention how cute they are?